Tag Archives: respect

Skippidy doo da

wedding day 1

My birthday month has come to a close I have been thinking about the amazing gifts my husband has given to me, not just this last month but from the beginning of us.

I am loved with no expectations, and I have been from the very beginning. When we started dating I really did love my single life, I told him so. I told him that I did not want a serious relationship, I did not ever plan to marry again. He loved me anyway, gently and consistently. No pushing, no expectations, just there accepting me.

Freedom to be exactly me, my husband has loved me for who I am and has never tried to change me. That is such a gift. The next two gifts come in the same wrapping. Knowledge that I am enough. Finally coming to myself. I am 56 years old, I am finally comfortable in my own skin, and I have finally realized that I am who God created me to be. This man has shown me more about how God loves me that any other.

Because of the three gifts above I feel safe. Safe to try new things, to be exactly me, to feel what I feel, to say what I need to say. This is an incredible gift, I have rarely felt this in my life. I have always felt I needed to measure myself, whether real or imagined I did not feel safe enough to really be me.

I can totally invest myself (and $) into a thing that I want to try. Over these last 5 years I have tried so many new things, knitting, soap making, building with pallets, photography and running just to name a few. I have not heard once that I am investing too much. That I am spending too much time or money, nor have I heard one word when I have decided that this particular thing is not for me. He is my cheerleader through all of it.

I have learned to truly relax and to let things go, I don’t have to always be in motion. I don’t have to complete a project the same day I start it. I have learned patience and to pace myself. Gently he taught me these things. It is amazingly freeing and calming. He has taught me the value of total quiet, the peace and comfort of being able to sit next to a person in total silence in peace and not feel like the quiet needs to be filled.

Waking to snuggles every morning and falling to sleep with snuggles every night. This everyday occurrence helps me to let go of the day and readies me to start a new one. I cannot even begin to tell you what a wonderful gift this is.

Really the point of this post is to publicly thank my husband for being the amazing man he is. To thank him for all the amazing gifts he gives me not just for my birthday, but each and every day. They are far more valuable than any material thing.

Skippidy doo da thank you
Lord for makin’ him for me
And thank you for letting life turn out the way
That I always thought it could be

There once was a time, that I could not imagine
How it would feel to say I’m the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.

Tim, I never thought it possible to grow more in love with time, I did not know that this existed, when you said five years ago that we would be amazing I had no idea. Life with you is amazing. Thank you for all you do for me, especially this time of year. Thank you for loving me as I am. Just when I think I could not possibly love you more, a new day dawns. I love you more than I can say.

a revelation . . .

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I usually post on Sunday mornings, in the quiet of my attic space. I have been torn about this weeks post, did I really want to write what has been on my heart this week? Am I really ready to write my feelings? I’m still not sure but here goes –

This week has been harrowing at work. Personnel issues, I dread these. I do not like confrontation. I run from it, hide from it, just thinking about it makes my stomach turn.

I have been struggling with a personnel issue for some time now. It came to a head (again) this week. I felt so defeated I considered finding another job. That is the running and hiding that I would rather do. I love my job, but I found myself this week getting physically ill at the thought of the confrontation I knew was ahead of me.

In talking to a co-worker, she likened my situation to that of an abused woman. I have to say, that was like a punch in the stomach. That conversation stopped me in my tracks. Many years ago, I told myself that I would never let any one treat me like that again. I spent too much time in my past beaten down verbally. I thought I had grown past that. I had vowed to not let myself be treated like that ever again. I vowed to only let myself be treated with respect. But here I was, beaten down, on the verge of tears, physically ill. Here I was again –

I chewed on this conversation for awhile, and came to the conclusion, I was letting a person treat me like less than I am, like a nothing. I had made excuses, when this happens it will get better, they have had such a rough time lately, it will get better soon and on and on. When I realized this I could not believe that I was letting any one talk to me like that. This was a person that I do not love, a person that is not  in my circle of friends, a person that I would not have any contact with outside of the work place. I am almost incredulous with myself. How did I let this happen? Why would I possibly let this person treat me like this? I still don’t really have an answer to this question, apparently I have still have some soul searching to do.

Friday morning, after some time in prayer, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, walked tall, and made up my mind that avoidance was not the answer. I was only hurting myself, I do not deserve to be treated in this manner, by anyone.

I enter this new week, with resolve, that I will meet confrontation head on, with grace. I will not be defeated. I will see myself through God’s eyes, his child, precious to him. I will see myself through my husband’s eyes, loved.

heart