Tag Archives: mental-health

time out


He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart; Isaiah 40:11

For the last two days I have been in self imposed time out. I have been waking up from nightmares in a panic attack. I could live with that, however unwelcome, but Monday at work I fought them off all day. Some what successfully, I hope. I gulped down sobs all day. Some what successfully, I hope.

So I took a time out, to regroup, recharge. To focus on what is going on inside my head and heart. Alone, with God, time to just dig down deep, really to rebuild some reserves. I am short on that, emotional reserve. I had run out, I had not a drop of reserve left. These last two days have been  much needed.

I have re-remembered somethings these last two days. I need to get my body moving, I need to get those natural endorphins flowing. Movement is a great stress reliever also. I need to be more open and ask for help before I get to meltdown. I need to take a few steps back every once in a while. I need to recharge on a more regular basis. I am still not sure how that looks, I can’t just drop out of life on regular intervals, but I know that I need to take some time regularly to recharge. I need to remember to ask my heavenly Father for help on a more regular basis, I need to really rest in his arms and let him carry me. I need to be more honest about how I really am inside, and not pretend that everything is okay, when it isn’t.

I am just about ready to face the world again tomorrow,renewed, rested and recharged.

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

to cast and stand


Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7

We often hear the phrase – God never gives us more than we can handle – but I think he does. I think he gives us too much so we will learn to lean on him – so we will run straight into his arms. He wants us to depend on him, he wants to be our strength.

How many times do I struggle with a problem, or an issue for days, before I finally give up and hand it over to God? Too many. By the time I do hand it over, I am beaten down, exhausted.

I dislike that feeling, I dislike feeling beat up, and tired. If only I would let go sooner, if only that were my first thought instead of my last.

I have been having bad dreams lately, about bad things happening to people I love. It shakes me up. I begin to let my mind wander to places it should not go. I let fear and anxiety creep in. This is not new to me, but since Jason passed it is scarier and more real. Thoughts of what would I do if? How could I possibly remain sane if?

I am trying to not just push these thoughts aside, but cast them. Cast them on my God who is ready to take my anxiety.

Somehow I get it in my head that I must be stronger, I must push forward, I must …. whatever.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. –¬†Ephesians 6:13

To stand – that is it. I am not required to run a race, or dance with joy, or do anything but stand. Sometimes that is all I can do, all the energy that I have. All I can do is stand, and that is okay.

So the challenge I put to myself today, for this week, is to cast, and stand.