A letter to my son on this Mother’s Day

Dear Jason –

My heart overflows with things I want to say to you. You were my first, I truly did not know what I was doing with you, and you tested me from the first few minutes of your life. When they handed you to me I wanted to look at you all over, you had different ideas, you wanted to eat and you made your will very plain. You were loud and active. Even then I realize you were charting your own course.

As you grew I began to see the soft inside of that hard exterior, you had a heart like no ones I had seen. You loved everyone. You saw beyond the surface to the person beneath, you had such an eclectic collection of friends. I loved that about you.

What I want you to know today is that I miss you every day, but I am okay. People told me that pain would dull, I did not believe it. I thought I would always have this huge sharp pain every time I took a breath. God is good, when I think of you now it is with a smile of warm memories. God was gracious to let me be your mom for almost 30 years.

I wonder about you still, what life is like for you? How did it feel to take that first full breath of heaven? Know this today, that I miss you with every part of myself, but I am okay, I am happy, I am content.

I love you more than I have words for, I miss you as much.

Love you forever,

Mom