When Jason passed, almost 2 years ago, I prayed that it would not be for nothing. That his life and death would make a mark on this world; make a difference in someone’s life. I prayed that I would be a testimony to God’s mercy, grace and great love. I have heard of at least one person who served at a camp last summer in honor of Jason, I will never know this side of heaven the lives that were changed in those weeks. I may never know the impact that Jason’s passing has had, but I continue to pray that his life and passing will do nothing but bring glory to our heavenly father.
Last week a question was put to me, I knew in a heartbeat that this was one of those times I had prayed about. The question was, “how have you kept your faith through everything?” Whew, out of the blue, unexpected, the question was there.
My faith has been a part of me for as long as I can remember, it is like air. It is woven into my fabric, so how to answer that? How have I kept something that I require to survive?
So I said just that, that if I did not have my faith, I would have crumbled. If I did not have the assurance that I would see Jason again, I am pretty sure I would not have survived.
I believe that I will see Jason again. I believe that my heavenly father grieves with me. I believe that a long time ago, in a perfect garden, a choice was made that brought sin into this world. I believe that God never intended for any of us to suffer, but because of that choice death and pain entered into our lives.
I know that when my children suffered pain, it was painful for me. When my children hurt, I hurt. I believe that if I feel and react this way, as an imperfect being, how much more must God feel the hurt and pain that, I his child, feels. How he must long to gather me in his arms and comfort me. And he has.
As far as “how could a loving God allow so much pain?” I believe it was never his plan. His plan was to walk with us in a perfect world. But he gave a choice; he wanted us to want to love him. How often as we raised our children did we watch them make a wrong choice, even after we had given them every bit of our earthly wisdom? Then we hurt with our children over the consequences. We wanted them to want to do the right thing. I know that love chosen is much sweeter than love forced. This is what God wanted from us, love chosen, so in the garden there was a choice, and now there are consequences of that choice. But how much sweeter our love must be to him when we choose to love him.
This is how I have kept my faith, I believe in an all loving, merciful, grace giving, heavenly father.