Mother’s Day

Jason

This is a tough day for me. I miss my son. I miss so many things about him, but his hug, that is what I miss the most today. His big lift you off the ground all encompassing hug. I just plain miss him.

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I sit here this morning trying to process conflicting emotions. I am so grateful for Chelsey, I don’t want her to ever think she is not enough, or that she is second to Jason in anyway. I am so happy she is my daughter. She has grown to be an amazing woman, and sometimes I feel like she gets lost in my grief over Jason.

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I have two great adult step-children, I love their interaction with each other, it reminds me so much of Jason and Chelsey’s relationship. If I am truthful though, sometime is makes me so sad. I miss Chelsey and Jason together, I miss their interaction, I miss seeing how they cared for each other.

Chelsey

I know Chelsey grieves for the loss of her brother, the loss of their friendship, and I feel a little guilty and helpless for not knowing how to help her with that. I barely know how to process my own right now. Some days, like today, it is so big.

I feel like I am on a teeter toter of emotions, at the top I am happy, grateful, full of joy for the life I have. For having the privilege of being Mom to two amazing, wonderful, God-loving children. So grateful for the wonderful man God gave me to help me walk through this. At the bottom I am sad, deeply sad. There is so much more “up” than down these days, but right now, I am bouncing on the bottom. I am sad, I am missing Jason.

 

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6 thoughts on “Mother’s Day”

  1. Bev, your transparency and honesty just touches my heart! I have been thinking about you especially these past few days leading up to Mother’s Day. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing a child…I’m so sorry you are living it. Today I am praying that the Lord will comfort you and that you will feel HIS loving arms holding you as you grieve…and rejoice. Those two seem in-congruent, but for the Believer, I think they are at the foundation of what keeps us sane in the midst of loss and pain…deeply grieving and acknowledging the loss, but rejoicing in past memories, and in the hope of future reunions. As for Chelsey…if she’s anything like her Mom, she understands. 🙂 You are an amazing woman, Bev! I’m so thankful to have you in my life online…now to get together in person 🙂 Much Love, Shan

    1. Shannan –

      Thanks. I am sitting in the garden this morning, listening to praise music, and feeling God’s love through all that surrounds me and especially from his people that are praying and sending me virtual hugs. Come sit with me sometime – it is peaceful here.


      Bev

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