This has been a year of such mixed emotions. Deep indescribable sadness. I have never before experienced this type of sorrow. It reached to the very heart of my soul. There is no way to describe it unless you have experienced it. Sometimes it physically hurts. It reached further into my soul than anything had ever reached before. But because that sorrow cut so deep, it left my soul open for other things to sink into that deep wound. Good things. Blessings. Love. Peace. Contentment. These things have settled further into my being than I thought possible. I love deeper, I appreciate more, I feel a deeper peace, I am more content. The presence of God is more real and I see it in more places. A kind gesture from a friend, a text from my daughter, a hand squeeze from my husband, a smile from a stranger, all timed just when I need them. All of them love notes from a loving Father.
So I sit today, in the garden built in remembrance of Jason, surrounded by God’s beauty, at peace, content, a little sad, but mostly rejoicing. I miss my son, so much, but I am so grateful for the love of God and the assurance that I will one day embrace him again and believing now more than ever that God is good, all the time.