Musings 10 months later

Today is 10 months from the day we lost Jason. This is such a curious statement. He isn’t really lost, I know where he is. But is is so much easier to say than he is dead. That statement is not really true – he is eternally alive, more alive than if he were here on earth with us now.

I have had the question put to me, wouldn’t it be wonderful if  you could wish Jason back? Honestly, how could I wish that? If I believe that heaven is what the Bible says it is, how could I wish anyone away from that place?

Heaven: the eternal glory of God, streets of gold, a place prepared personally by Jesus, no pain, no sadness, no worries, surrounded by friends and family who have gone on before. Why would I wish that away? I could not. (Revelation 21:10-27)

Do I miss Jason? Yes, from the very core of my being, but wish him back? No, I wish for one more hug, one more smile, one more I love you, but I don’t wish him back.

So today as I remember the amazing man he became, I picture him, singing praises with his amazing strong voice. I see him surrounded by children, they always seemed to seek him out here on earth, I imagine the same there. I see him with my mom, dad and all four of my grandparents. I see him free of the burdens that weighed him down in this life, student loans, job searching, trying to figure out what God really wanted him to do.What his purpose was here on earth. Today he knows and is fulfilling his purpose.

Yes I miss him, I mourn for him, but I rejoice for him. My heart is not troubled, I will see him again. I hold to this promise:
John 14:1
Let not your heart be troubled: you believe in God, believe also in me. 2In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

I want you to know I write this today with tears streaming down my face, it is hard some days. It is not always easy to rejoice for Jason, but I choose to. I choose joy, I choose peace, I choose to continue to believe in a good and loving Father. These are choices, we all are faced with every day. So the one or two things I would leave you with is, choose joy, choose to believe that God is good all the time. It is real and true, and sometimes it is not a feeling that comes naturally, but a choice to be made every day.

God is good, all the time. He can not be anything else.

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